This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
