You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
