Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
