making cat noises will not fix the situation.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize