Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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