I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
