what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
