please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
50% drunk capacity currently
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
