we made out on top of his cat.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
