I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
