I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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