Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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