Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
