guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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