Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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