saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
