I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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