i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
