this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
