dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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