I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
