No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
