How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
