I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
