I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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