were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize