Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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