Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
