My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He passed out mid-signature
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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