you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I AM VODKA MAN
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
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