I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
