id be glad to
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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