I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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