why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
