I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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