Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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