I'm lost and stupid without you.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
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