cat food counts as protein by the way
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
