I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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