We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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