He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize