If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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