the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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