I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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