Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
