there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
