I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize