walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
