So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
