Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize