dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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