Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
