Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
