I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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