I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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