I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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