like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
