It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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