it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize