mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
