so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
