??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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