If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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