A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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