I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
