It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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