Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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