I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
