why didn't you poke me back
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
whose ass print is on the piano?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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