Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I just blew my weed a kiss
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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