her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
