I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
