Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I'm always down for nudity.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
