He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
