No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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