I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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