shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
