so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
