I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
