i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize