my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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