and i looked up. we had an audience...
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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