I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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