we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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