update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
