You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
