bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
