so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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