so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
