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Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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