We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
