if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
