yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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