I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
