I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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