We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
