I am spending my child support on dildos
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
